Tired of being tired

I'm so tired of being tired all the time. I'm tired of not being able to sleep at night, despite all the different meds the dr has tried. Why can't he just give me something that will knock me out and I'll wake up refreshed and ready to go in the morning. I'm already tired of this new label I have been burdened with. Yeah, I know it doesn't change me at all, but I can't help but feel different now that I have a label. I will never be able to just have a bad day, it will always be, "did you take your medicine"?

When the boys were small we used to play a game they made up. It was called "pick". It involved lining up all their hot wheel cars, of which they had a million, and by million I mean, about a thousand, or perhaps more like one hundred, but it seemed like lots more. Anyway, the cars got lined up across the living room floor. We would take turns picking cars until they were all picked. That was it. Take turns picking cars until they were all picked. Then line them up and do it all again. We could play this game for hours. I wish life could be that simple now.

Lots of Random junk...

Tomorrow is the day The Girl and Boy One move into their apartment. I have returned from being PBM, and it seems silly to me at this point that they are leaving, but then again, it's good, they are both adults and should be learning to be on their own. I feel bad about the way it has all come about, but perhaps it's all for the bed. And, yes, I realize that was and extremly long run on sentence....

Boy Two will be down here with his dad tomorrow to help them move. We have plans to see Hunger Games at the mid night show on Thursday evening. I hope that all works out. We are using manager passes from The Girl, so we won't be able to get the tickets until Thursday, hopefully there will be some left. If not I guess we will just go on Friday. The Girl says their dad thinks it's weird that I would want Boy Two to spend time down here during spring break. I don't see what is weird about that, in fact, I think it would be weird if I didn't want to see him. Their father has known me long enought to know that when I am PBM I say things I don't mean, and do things that I don't mean. When I said that I was going to send Boy Two to his dad's and just leave, well he should have known it was BS, and once I calmed down it would be what I was doing. I do, however, think it's probably a good thing that Boy Two will be staying with his dad. His dad will get to see it's not just fun and games to be a parent, and the boy will maybe come to appreciate what all he has, and how easy he has had it...And, if it doesn't work out that way, and he ends up wanting to stay there after the summer, well then that will be okay. I think his father has a better chance of getting him to church, and that is something I would really like to happen. On the other hand, it sounds like it's going to be a bunch of the boy being home alone after school until his father gets off around 10 or 11 everyday. The boy isn't very social and doesn't have friends up there, so it will just be him and his xbox, not even wifi, so he won't be able to talk to his friends he ususally plays with. I am hoping he will get involved with something at school, continue with football, or something. I don't think it will be good for him to be alone all the time.

GB1 and GB2 are down here for a few days during spring break. I love when they are here. Scott's eyes are always brighter and happy when he is with them. One down side is that I am not used to all the noise. They all three like the music LOUD, the TV LOUD, and they boys are just LOUD...lol. Not to mention the free flowing farts and burps, just not something I enjoy. I'm sure they don't enjoy just sitting around the house because we are broke, and it's raining cats and dogs today. And since mine are all moved or moving the xbox is not here, and we don't really have a lot for them to do. They would like to be out going going going all the time, but we are really just sit around and be lazy folks right now.GB1 would also much rather be back home where he could be spending time with his GF and his friends.

I think dogs, also knowns as The Girls, are going to have a hard time once the kids move. Tilly is going with, as she is the Girl's dog. Ellie is staying because she is ours. They are very close and I'm just not sure how they are going to handle it. I know Ellie is going to have a hard time, when Tilly was in the animal hospital after her little run in with the car on Christmas day, Ellie was lost. She didn't eat hardly anything that week. I guess we will be having a lot of play dates at the dog park. I also don't know know Tilly will handle being alone all day long, although The Girl does not work all the time, it's still going to be new to Tilly. I think she will probably find her self in trouble. She will get into everything, The Girl doesn't pick up her stuff and has lost lots of things because Tilly takes it out side and chews it up. I also think Tilly will be lonely, I hope she won't bark and whine all the time they are gone. Who knows, maybe she will be coming back shortly.

oh dear..i was in correct

I just posted that it must be some record that I have posted twice in the same month...WRONG, while I did post less than a month ago, it was not in the same month, but I guess now I have posted twice in the same month, in fact twice in the same day, same hour even, GO ME!

ch ch ch changes.......

wow, look to posts in the same month, must be a world record. whats amazing is the amount of changes that are currenting going on in my life. Girl and Boy one are moving out and are going to share an apartment, this is breaking my heart. What breaks my heart more is that their crazy psycho b**** mom (PBM) is the cause of all the changes. Boy two has gone to live with his father. This too, of course is breaking my heart most of all. He will be attending a much larger school, where I feel he will get lost in the crowd. He will then go home to an empty apartment where he will be left to his own devises until his father gets off work around 103o to 1100, sometimes later. Now, I admit this is not a whole lot different than what he was going at my house. Home from school, minimal conversation, then off to his room to play his xbox. At least this house has wifi and he was able to talk to his friends online, that won't be possible at his fathers. Also, although he has a phone, I guess he is not able to make calls on it, and his father does not currently have a phone. So to refresh, due to PBM's recent behavior Boy 2 has been taken from his rather comfortable world and been thrown into one in which he will have very little contact with the real world including his siblings and his mother. it just breaks my heart. Well, you may ask, what could PBM have done to cause so much change in such a short amount of time. Well....that will be another day, not sure how much of it I want to talk about....not sure if it is the right time. Just know that it is the right time to be asking for forgiveness, and to pray that my family will heal and find it's self well and happy again soon.

Here I am again.....

Looks like my average for posting is about once every 2 years....and once again many many changes, and yet things still seems the same.

Since my last we have moved, just to a new home in the same town. But it's "our" home, not the home I used to share with my ex, which makes it much much better. We have added members to our family. Two four legged members. Well, one four legged creature, and one three and a half legged creature. Dogs, Ellie, the four legged dog, she is a great dog and was wanted by most members of the home, and had found her way into the heart of all of us, including Scott, who refused to love a dog...lol. Tilly is the three and half legged dog, she, of course, started out as a four legged dog, but was hit by a car on Christmas day and has not regained the use of her leg yet, not sure she will. She is now worth more than any other item we own....lol.

The girl of course is graduated from High School, she went to college for a year, but decided it wasn't really for her. Acutally, what really wasn't for her was the fact that she signed up for too many online classes and didn't have the motivation to keep up the with them. She is working full time at the movie theater and is doing very well. She started in the box and has worked her way up manager. She is doing very well for her self. At this moment she and Scott are out shopping for a new car for her. Not really by choice, she had planned to get one, just not so soon. Her car needs major repairs and we all feel it would be better for her to put the money into a new car rather than into the old one she doesn't plan on keeping.

Boy one will graduate from High School this year. He is in the top 5% of his class and has earned an academic letter jacket. We are all very proud of him. He is wrestling. This past weekend he qualified for the state tournament. He will be wrestling this weekend. He is very excited and very proud. We are all proud of him as well. He is actually wrestling at his natural weight this year, a big change from last year. He tried to cut weight last year, tried to get down to low, and ended up in the ICU for two days. Very very scary. He was very dehydrated and his blood levels were out of whack. You can not believe how releived I am that he did not cut weight this year. I think he probably would have qualified for state last year had he not been trying to cut weight. He plans to go to ECU in the fall and become a teacher. I feel he can do a lot better, but that is what he wants to do, and I know he will be a great teacher. He will be great at anything he does.

Boy two is up to the same ole thing, football and video games. Mostly video games. He is doing off season football, I'm not sure how much effort he is putting into it, but I'm glad he is doing it. He is currently deciding if he wants to stay with us and finish school here, or go live with his dad. According to his father, he is moving up there as soon as school is finished. According to boy two, he wants to stay here and finish school. I am fine with either one, I, of course, want him to stay with me, but if he wants to live with is dad then I will support him in that. Another option is for him to stay with us, but for us to move closer to Scott's boys. That would be really nice. It's hard to see them very often since the live 150 miles away. It would be cool for Boy Two to go to school with Scott's Oldest boy. They are they same age, only 8 days different in their ages.

As for Scott and I, things are pretty much the same. Lots of hard times, but also lots of good times. He is struggling with is legal issues, and waiting for an answer on the SSI. He has been gone for a while with legal issues, but he is now home, and things are looking up, despite the fact that neither of us are working and we have no income. That will change soon, I will be getting a job soon. I don't know what it will be, but it will be something....\

As for work...well, little over a month ago I quit my job. I had been stressed to the max for a very long time. Asked for help many many times, all with the same results, "just hold one, we have some new workers coming and things will get better". Well, new workers came, old workers left, no changes in the stress level. One day it was just too much, and I couldn't take it any more, it was killing me and it was killing my family. I am so much happier now, despite the fact that we currently have no income, and no hopes of any in the near future....but things will get better.

The most important changes in the last two years is that I have found God. I was baptized August 31 and have started my walk with Him. It brings great peace to my life, although, I still feel very very much like a baby in Christ, and do not know a lot. I have joined a Womens Bible study class, but feel very out of place there. I am not a social person and find it hard to make conversation with people, especially about subjects I know very little about. I have not attended the last two sessions becuase I just couldn't face all the people there. I will be going from now one, and making the effort to make friends and being social.

Well....I guess that is all for now....Hopefully it will not be two years until my next post....but I sure can't promise.....